The more the merrier?

I swear, my house is getting positively crowded.

In addition to myself, my two housemates and my rather attention-hungry parrot, there are two small dragons, a tarantula spirit, half a dozen or so assorted shadows of I’m not sure what, and a smug looking goddess sitting in a corner just *knowing* that I’ll get to her eventually. Oh and a couple of other animal spirits are hanging about outside too, though I don’t know how long they intend to stay.

I think I am beginning to understand how parents feel when their offspring show up with a crowd of unanticipated friends. How in blazes am I going to feed all these people? More importantly, how am I supposed to keep up with them and not lose my mind or have my sanity questioned at work? That tarantula has been damned useful at work. Try and sneak up on me will ya?

On a brief side note, I’ve been doing a bit of reading up on other folks’ experience with dragons as personal guides and guardians and have been slightly reassured to hear that much of what I’ve experienced falls well within the “normally abnormal” range.

But seriously. For the folks out there who have been doing this a lot longer, how does this even work? They all more or less leave me alone most of the time- except Tarantula, him I call for when I know I need a hand and he’s always there. And the dragons. They like to ruffle my hair when no one else is there to see it. Freaked the hell outta me the first time. Did you know dragons giggle? I didn’t either. Fortunately no one else was there. It’s only a matter of time before my basic sanity is questioned. I can not and will not drive them away a second time and I don’t think the other unfleshed critters would go anywhere no matter how hard I yelled at them. I’m stuck with my houseful- and I’m pretty OK with that.

But how am I gonna feed them all?

Whole-Brain Challenge!

I’m not sure what reminded me of an old exercise from my psych class years ago. The theory is that the exercise includes both symbolic/abstract thinking as well as critical/structured thinking in the same challenge. I don’t know if it works or not, but it’s fun and will make you think. Shared here for fun and potential actual benefit *gasp*

The Challenge: In seven stanzas, no more, no less, tell a brief story about anything you want. Anything. Here’s the catch- all seven stanzas must be their own potentially free-standing bits of strictly structured verse.

(example, I recall a classmate writing seven sonnets about something I don’t even remember completely but involved horses somehow. Someone else wrote seven  rhymed quatrains in iambic pentameter. It was odd.)

I was tempted to write seven limericks just to be an ass, but limericks are surprisingly difficult to write. So… have some English haiku. It’s terrible- although there are a couple of individual stanzas that I really do like. (yes I know- English haiku is an oxymoron as there is really no such thing but… deal.)

The hot summer sun
Moves lazily through the sky
Flies move stagnant air

There are many clouds
Gathering in the Northwest
Blooming in the heat

The burning sun sets
The summer day is over
Summer night begins

The stormclouds rushed in
Thunder lightning wind and rain
And now the moon sets

Spent and broken clouds
Make black and silver moon lace
On the horizon

The summer storm came
And washed the earth and river
Clean for tomorrow

Summer nights are warm
Filled with brief and angry storms
Give way to red dawns

 

Now, fair is fair and if anyone decides to give this a shot, share!

Dealing with Her High-ness

OK so I promised a couple of updates to folks.

Work is work. I’m wrapping both the paying job and the volunteer job together here, since they both involve flashing lights and uniforms and dealing with dumb-ness. This weekend is Memorial Weekend so I fully expect outrageous amounts of stupid. Posting this during down time at the EMS station. Listening to the scanner things are already interesting and it’s only Friday night*. May whatever they have faith in keep watch over my friends, my brothers and sisters who earn their bread by risking their lives. For those who don’t have specific faith, I’ll lend you mine. Be safe out there!

Life is life. You may recall the post a few months ago about the parrot? Yeah… need to go back and make sure the correct pronouns are in place. “He” was definitely doing the ‘feed me’ preen and backing up to my hand so… methinks he’s a she. This species of parrot is monomorphic, so the only way to guess is by behavior. DNA testing is prohibitively expensive for a bird that is just a pet and not part of a breeding operation. She is also mimicking more words. I’ve heard very clear “yes” “hello” “pretty bird” “bird bird” and “bird” She likes the word bird. She also whistles, squawks, squeals and squeaks to mimic the microwave, the squeaky kitchen door, my alarm clock and the EMS pager tones. Funny bird is funny.

Spiritual path is… yeah that would be the point behind the title. I’ve been reading and researching and meditating and thinking about exactly what to do regarding this goddess-being who has taken such an interest in me. First off, she doesn’t seem to me the same way she seems to others- at least going by what they’ve been willing to share. There’s the sense that yes she could be demanding but there’s a much greater sense that she genuinely just cares. I feel gentle but inexorable power with the potential for extraordinary wrath just below the surface. She feels like the sea- just as beautiful, just as bountiful and just as dangerous. If I wasn’t so sure I was in fact talking to Aphrodite, I’d wonder if I really was. Remember, I’ve got strong synchronistic tendencies, and I happen to think that she is the same goddess who was once Ishtar and all the others in that cultural line- Astarte, Innana, Venus. She has not discouraged this thought. When she speaks I am aware not just of the beauty of the calm sea but the terrible power of the storm and the dark mysteries of the abyss. I have long understood that love may take a thousand forms, and I can begin to see them all in her. The bit that blew my mind most of all came a few days ago. I basically told her “look, I’m not the bowing and scraping, can’t function without you type. I’m not likely to come running at your beck and call- it’s not my nature.” And you know I got the feeling that a woman standing near me had thrown her hands up in the air and yelled “Finally! Someone I don’t have to coddle!”

So…. yeah. Not sure if cool, or worried.

*And by the time I managed to squeeze the whole post in between calls it’s now Saturday morning, almost dawn. Yay. Tired EMT is tired.

Dark at night

Did anyone else out there in the interworld experience massive weirdness last night? I was at work (as usual, it seems) and at some point it got bad enough that I sent texts to a few friends that are also sensitive to weirdness trying to figure out just WTF was up. 

It started about 0030 EDT and peaked about 0130 EDT. I kept feeling a bit of mental aftertaste well after dawn. I’m not normally susceptible to ‘the heebie jeebies’ but I had ‘em. Bad. I swear I felt like I was going to meet the Reaper around the next turn. Had the hair on the back of my neck standing up… had my heart pounding… didn’t quite get the tunnel-vision that comes with the fight or flight process, but it was close. I reached out more than once for the dragons or a personal guardian that I won’t talk about just yet- they were definitely all on edge too. The weirdest part was the apparent altitude gradient. Outside at ground level I could feel it but only if I was looking for it. Inside a building especially on upper floors it was almost unbearable. I’ve never experienced anything quite like that before. It kept me wondering and worrying most of the night, waiting to see just what was going on. This morning I found out. 

At the time the energy peaked, this is what I have discovered was going on in my area: mom was getting woken up by sudden severe pain that we still can not find the cause of. An acquaintance of mine was killing himself. Most of the people I have talked to were having nightmares. 

We more or less forced my mom to go to the hospital this morning- she didn’t want to go. My EMT sense was screaming and she gave in and let me take her. Wouldn’t go in the ambulance though. (guess that’s where I get my stubbornness.) Docs spent all day trying to figure out just WTF was going on. Their final diagnosis is basically “hurrr…we dunno…” 

As for the acquaintance… I really didn’t know him all that well, but I’m still kind of upset about it. 

I still have no idea if the nastiness was the cause or the effect. Either way it was nasty. I’ve been up most of the day for obvious ^^^ reasons and now I have to go in to work tonight. I should probably take a mental health day or something…. 

A turning point

Yup, I have reached one. I won’t go into all of the why behind it, as some of that is deeply personal. I am cutting back on the shallow. I am removing the frivolous. I am stepping back up to the plate. The last few months have seen a slow slide into apathy and I am so not OK with that. The last week has seen a slow return to the drive and ambition that has defined me as a person for my adult life. Yes it’s lonely being me. Yes it’s difficult being me. I’ve been putting off projects, waiting do get things done, and letting personal goals slide in favor of work and other peoples’ desires of me. Enough. 

I blame part of this renewed energy on finally finding and sticking with a meditative practice that really works for me. I blame part of this renewed energy on remembering where I came from. I blame part of this renewed energy on frustration and a general refusal to stagnate. Things have been steady and predictable (well, the work schedule has not been, but that’s part of the job and is its own kind of stability) and that just doesn’t work well for me. 

I’m slowly working my way back to regular PT routines- I had slacked off due to injury and just never found the energy to get back into it. Now I am. I am getting a handle on future plans that include finally fixing the underlying physical problems I have. This will be a long and probably slow and certainly expensive process. But what price can be placed on self-improvement? 

Maybe it’s magic. Maybe it’s prayer. Maybe magic is prayer, or prayer is magic. These are the things I tell myself daily. I am beautiful. I am stronger than (this problem.) I am not alone. God Herself is with me in all things- by whatever name I choose to use. I know pain, and love, and power. I radiate all these things. 

This project began as a place for me to drop off the odd little lessons I had learned for previous years. Some of those lessons are unpleasant. Some are just awkward to read. It has become a place where I explore the strangeness of the everyday when my eyes are open beyond the blinders of my previous lifestyle. It has become a place where I chronicle the development of my self. I’m glad for everyone who has been on the journey with me thus far. I hope that you will stick around. It’s going to get interesting. 

Images in the water

So I took a short break at work earlier- shocking, I know- to chill and get off my feet for a few minutes. I needed it since the night had been defined by cars going off roads, random things being set on fire, people climbing on roofs… you know, graduation week in and around a college. Yay. Anywho, I stopped by a large fountain where I could sit and be soothed by the sound of water for a little while. The moon was hidden by clouds but there were a few lights nearby sparkling on the water. Very pretty scene.  In fact, the scene was almost surreal. The fountain sits in a brick courtyard lined with benches along each side. The place was silent, the motor running the fountain having been shut off hours ago. There was no one in sight but the courtyard felt full. I was definitely being watched. The two dragons were with me, and seemed relaxed. They laid themselves across the rim of the fountain where I was sitting, one on each side almost like the exotic creatures that would have flanked some ancient queen’s throne. They’re definitely getting bigger too. I was aware of Tarantula on the ground by my feet. He only shows up when I need to be reminded about something. So, necessary rounds done and no calls pending, no one in sight around this full-empty courtyard, silence and the spirits. The wind came up and set the water dancing.

The dancing light caught my eye, so I looked down. The dragons circled tighter, the not-there crowd held its not-breath. The light became… images. I’ve seen Rorschach blots before, and that’s kind of what was going on- so I let my mind do as it would with the rippling light. I saw the face of a friend I care for very much. I saw a leering skull. I saw my own body and saw it for its female-ness, if that makes any sense at all. I saw an owl. Then the wind died and the light became still again.

I’m still denying but so much oddness. Maybe it was something other. Maybe it was just my subconscious mind trying to sort things out. Life has been complicated recently. But whatever it was, I knew I had to put it to words before I forgot any of it. When I looked down at my watch, only about 10 minutes had passed since I sat down. So I got back up and back at it before anyone could complain about the length of my little break.

Needless to say, it was interesting.

The mad energy…

What a wild ride the last few days have been for me. I had to observe the full moon last night, as I work tonight. There is a fantastic summer storm brewing out there, so I wouldn’t have been able to do anything tonight anyway. And that’s the point of the post this time. The wild storm- the mad energy- is absolutely infectious.

I have always been like this. The sound of the wind howling through the trees, the rumble of the thunder, the ten thousand ways a raindrop can fall…. this is the deepest of all experiences for me. Today, just as the storm was making itself obvious to all, I stumbled upon an interesting website. It has now been added to my list of Things I Like because I sense I will be referring back to it often. The site is a record of things learned by a self-professed Sea Witch. I am still swearing off all titles and claims of “maybe this is for me” but I’m definitely going to be reading up on this site. It gave me chills when I found it. Especially when I read the weather-related sections. Chills.

Nothing moves me like the storm, or the waves, or the mist over the river at dawn. Nothing ever has. I’ve said all that before, of course, but as the wind screams and the thunder proclaims itself, I feel it bears repeating. Besides, something happened last night on the seashore- something I’m not sure I want to discuss just yet- but now everything is…. more. I worked through the 8 Pieces of Brocade when I awoke, as has become my habit, and the energy just sang. That’s not happened before. Also, I could feel the storm building even in my sleep (since I’m back on night shift for a while and sleeping all day) so I knew it was coming long before I ever opened my eyes. All of my senses (except my piss poor eyesight, grrr…) seem heightened. Not only heightened, but more attuned to the wild energy around me.

Things are very interesting right now.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, today is Drinko de Mayo. In a college town. *sigh* I sense much stupid on my horizon.